Degradation with Dignity

From the hallway, the odor hit me all at once. A nauseating mix of urine, feces, and who knows what else. The stench was overwhelming, and I could feel my stomach churning with each step I took closer to the bathroom. But the line to enter this pubic restroom was crowded despite its horrific first impression.

And yet the men around me didn't seem to mind. Somehow, they could ignore the situation and proceed without hesitation. 

I held my breath as I entered the bathroom. The scene that greeted me was one of utter squalor. The floor was slick with filth, and the stalls sprayed with waste. 

I could not understand why anyone would deliberately create such a disgusting mess. An ugliness far worse than that of caged animals.

I could no longer endure the sensory overload. Uncontrollable gagging kicked in, and I quickly exited the restroom. I wouldn't force myself to endure this horrific experience. 

I could not endure such a space while also under the gaze of complete strangers, vulnerably conducting a biologically necessary function. 

Trapped in the vicious, unyielding cycle of human existence, I cling to whatever remnants of self-respect and dignity I can muster.

The memory of that fateful day haunts me still, and I am unable to shake the image of the communal bathroom, with its multitude of grown adults, unkempt and untrained, defiling the space with their waste.

I am powerless against this never-ending cycle of degradation. So I avoid public restrooms at all costs, shunning the very thought of them.

Liner Notes

Paruresis is an anxiety disorder in which an individual experiences difficulty urinating in the presence of others, such as in public restrooms. (Parcopresis is the term for its "number two" counterpart.)

This condition can lead to significant distress and negatively impact daily life. Individuals suffering from either condition may avoid social situations or face difficulties in their workplace. 

Given the thoughtlessness and lack of concern for hygiene by a few, it's no wonder how traumatic the experience of public restrooms can be.  

© 2023 Dean Bowman. All Rights Reserved.

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